When life doesnt seem to be adding up… Blame math.

The cold morning under my green sheets makes me wanna go back to that dream I was having. I breath a deep sigh it’s yet another day. It was just last night that I wanted to stay up a little longer talking to my fiance via Yahoo Messenger. Another deep breath and your days first 10 minutes just went by just like that. I could have been done with shower by now. Why can’t 10 mintues at work be this fast? Why does it have to be painfully slow, every drop of a second is agonizingly evident.

Being this far from my lover/bestfriend/future wife/fiance is excruciating to the mind and the spirit. I talk to her, I hear her laugh. I see her and she smiles back. But i cant touch her. I cant kiss her. I can’t hug her or cuddle next to her in the car, the movies or the single bed in the Los Banos apartment.

At night and every free time that i have to myself I think of her. Thinking that we can be sharing deep breaths and silent love right about now. Alone on my bed, my thoughts run… I start imagining how it might be if we were inches away from each other. My heartbeath rises and my neck begins to heat up. Im alone in my room, my door is locked. My thoughts raising. My thoughts of her and myself…

I cringe. I open my eyes and I see my hands. This isn’t so dire. My hands are here. I can put them to work. This maybe be a temporary resolution till I see her again. I will use my hands, well one of them at least. No one’s gonna see me anyways. Im just gonna keep quiet and hope no ones knocks on my door. Im going to gather my thoughts and think of the past. Of how we shared love. Im going to put my hand to use so that even for a short moment I can show her how much I miss her and every single itty bitty inch of her.

There’s not much preparation needed. Anybody can do it. It’s just a matter of thinking back and thinking forward and doing it now. Some say closing your eyes helps, but I like keeping my eyes open lest I make a mistake. Alone  and sitting it’s done best so that’s what I do. I reach for it and my fingers wrap around a familiar length and unmistaking strength. It’s power has been proven before. Hailed to be the greatest weapon man can ever have. It takes me a while before I get started, it has been a while really.

Im doing it now. This is for me and my fiance. This pleasure is not mine, rather it’s really for her. I go on and continue… and without a pause Im seeing the progress. I feel that Im really good at it still. I feel the natural power that’s in my hands…I know Im not doing anything wrong. Everybody’s done it at least once in their lifetime Im sure. Im more then positive it’s done by those who are physically not with their love ones.

I do one, and another then another. I sweat, alone in my room thinking of nothing but my fiance/girlfriend/partner in crime the past minutes. I cant wait till it’s finally over. I’ll be using my tongue to end and seal it all.

I look at the result of my hard work. It’s scattered in front of me… I gather it and makes sure that I make quick work of it lest anybody sees the mess.

I end it with an "I love you" and then my name. I wite a PS down the bottom asking her to do the same. I place my work in an envelope… lick to close it and for good measure drop red wax on it and seal it with the letter "J". I write the address and names and lick the almost 2 dollars worth of stamps.

I hope it gets to her in time. I hope it gets to her at all…

I cant wait to do it again. I place the long hard pen which almost fused with my hands and go back to bed. The sealed love letter is waiting to be mailed. i remembered its a sunday… No mail today.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 14th, 2006 at 10:02 pm and is filed under - my brain pooped - shiyet -. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.